Just Admit it

Ok I will. I am a scale-junkie. I try not to be, but I am. I live my life by the numbers some stupid piece of plastic mock me with nearly every morning. I say nearly, because I don't jump on said stupid piece of plastic everyday. I would, but sometimes my bathroom is occupied when I get up & I have strict weigh-in rules.

I used to weigh-in on Tuesdays. Then I figured out that my "lowest weight" of the week was generally Thursdays. (Except for today, where I weighed in at 153 lbs, or 1.6 lbs less than yesterday) So, I stopped officially recording my weight on Tuesdays and moved it to Thursday. Lest you think this is a new development, it is not. I've been doing that for about 8 years.

There was a time when my scale was broken or put away & I didn't bother to weigh myself every week or even every month. Scroll up if you want to be reminded of why that didn't work for me. I need that accountability & the visual reminder of progress or not.

I feel like an addict trying to justify my addiction. (I only stepped on the scale 2x this morning, honest!) I also feel like I'm anorexic trying to insist I'm not. Well, I'm not now anyways, I managed to beat that demon years ago.

Anyhow, I am not going to bother to vow to kick the habit. I know that I won't. I also know that I don't get super happy (or sad) based only on the scale. I used to. Then I started measuring inches and that often helps take the blow out of a seemingly bad week. So, I think, since I don't let the scale define my mood, I can continue my obsession with it. Here's the thing - I don't even have a "real" goal in mind anymore. The weight will either come off or it won't & I'll either get healthy or I won't.

My entire goal right now is to lose my 10% or 16 pounds which would put me at 142. That has been an unreachable goal for the last 10 years. But, as Yoda says, "there is no try", so I'll simply Do.

Week 8

If ever I've had a zero change week, this might be it:

Weight 154.6 (+.6)

Waist: 34.5
Hip: 38.75
R Thigh: 22
R Arm 11
Underbust 33
Bust 36.5

No gains, no losses. It could be worse. Well, maybe next week.

There Are Donuts in My Office.

There are donuts in my office.

And I am really hungry.

I think that they are calling my name.

I think that I had a crappy run this morning.

I think that might be from all the donuts I've eaten in the last 10 years.

I think that I am better than a chocolate donut.

I know that I am better than a chocolate donut.

I know that if I eat the donut, I am going to feel crappy.

I know that by not eating this donut I am saying Yes! to myself.


I think that I will not eat the donut.

Run Forrest Run

You’ve all got the mental picture now, don’t you? A goofy looking runner – well, I’m not all tall and gangly like Forrest Gump, but I’m pretty sure I look as goofy.

On Sunday I did my very first 5K race. My kids think I won. I didn’t tell them that I won. Honest. It’s just that after I told them I didn’t win about 20 times, I finally gave in and said, “Yes, I won.” They were happy.

In a way, I did win though. My best training time was just over 41 minutes, or a 12 minute mile. I came in at 35:46 (an 11:30 mile!), so I am pretty thrilled. My entire goal was to run the entire race, no walking, and come in around 39 minutes. Check check. I never imagined I could knock 5 full minutes off my time!

About 1/2 way through, I really wondered why the hell I ever decided to run this stupid race. It was hard and I was tired and my form was slowly disintegrating into pile of slump. (Which is a great way to get injured, by the way) But, I tried my best to buck up, pull in my core and straighten out. That didn’t work really very well, so I just held on for the rest of the run.

And then, right at the end, they announce “And here comes Michelle ___ from (my little wee town)” and I got a boost that even I didn’t think I had in me. I crossed that finish line triumphantly, albeit a little bummed because the timer read 51:– minutes, but still feeling a sense of “I DID IT”. Hey, 10 minutes earlier I would have been thrilled to lay down and die.

As it turned out, the timer was set for the half-marathon that started 15 minutes before, so my time was much better than I saw on screen. Ahh, the innocence of a newbie.

I managed to finish before the 10K winner (who started at the same time as the 5K) and see the half-marathon winner cross the finish line too. Man, could those guys run!

Anyhow, I am pretty excited, even today at how well I did. Now, I need to set a new goal I guess. Maybe 5K in 30 minutes?? My loving and oh-so-supportive brother suggested I could do his run – 5K in 25 minutes with 25 push-ups at each kilometer. Army boys are such show-offs.